Saying Goodbye to a Friend
One month ago this past Saturday, I lost a friend to liver disease. Her name was Wiebke (Jokschies) Harvey. We called her "V".
V was a German citizen who moved to the U.S. about 10 years ago. About three years after she moved here, she married a man named Travis Harvey (above), who works as a contractor for my parents. I met V when I move back to Florida from Chicago three years ago. We became friends pretty quickly. We went to movies together and went shopping ... a lot. We even went on a ghost-hunt together with another friend of mine. (Say what you will about ghost-hunting, it was a fun night!) One of our most memorable adventures was a trip to New Orleans with my mom and two of my other friends for my birthday. That was a really fun day!
V was a German citizen who moved to the U.S. about 10 years ago. About three years after she moved here, she married a man named Travis Harvey (above), who works as a contractor for my parents. I met V when I move back to Florida from Chicago three years ago. We became friends pretty quickly. We went to movies together and went shopping ... a lot. We even went on a ghost-hunt together with another friend of mine. (Say what you will about ghost-hunting, it was a fun night!) One of our most memorable adventures was a trip to New Orleans with my mom and two of my other friends for my birthday. That was a really fun day!
V first found out she was sick about a year and half to two years ago. She went to see a doctor when she noticed her skin and eyes had turned a yellow color. She was jaundiced. Her doctor told her she would only have a couple years to live if she didn't get a liver transplant. Long story short, she didn't qualify for a transplant. She fought this disease with everything she had. Even when the pain became more and more intense, I never heard her complain. In fact, the day she died was a bit of a shock due to the fact that she seemed to be doing so well beforehand.
For the last month and a half of her life she was on an in-home hospice program. I was there a few times when a nurse visited her house and checked that she was taking all of her medications. One of the last times I saw her was at Sacred Heart Hospital. She was suffering from some sort of internal bleeding. She didn't tell me much about it. But when the hospital released her, she said they gave her some blood and stopped the bleeding. This was the first and only time I ever came close to seeing her cry. She got a little teary-eyed but quickly wiped it away and stopped herself. I think it was at this point that she accepted that her life would end soon. She had been so optimistic about her illness for so long. I think she was getting to a point where she'd had enough. This was roughly two weeks before she died.
Less than a week before her death, she was transferred to a hospice facility. We kept in constant contact with Travis to make sure she was doing ok. I called her on Monday but didn't get an answer. I sent her a text message instead of a voicemail as I often do. I figured she was resting and would call me back later. My mom and I planned on going to visit her that upcoming weekend but she died on the afternoon of July 23rd, a Wednesday.
When I got the call, I was in a movie theater parking lot, our favorite theater on Bayou Blvd. I haven't been back there. Every time I pass by the theater, I think of that night and how I spent hours in the parking lot on the phone with friends, crying, and replaying the last time I saw V over and over in my head. I worried that I didn't do enough for her. I regretted not visiting her in hospice sooner. I just didn't know. I didn't know she was declining that fast. I thought I had time. But the reality is that I didn't. She's gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I can only hope that she knew that I loved her, that she'll always be missed and never forgotten.
On August 23rd, one month after her death, her friends and family gathered at our house for her memorial. She had been cremated and her wish was to be scattered in the ocean. Her husband honored that wish. In our neighborhood, we have a common area right on the water. As the sun set, all of us (about 25 people) walked down to the water together. Travis went out into the ocean and scattered her ashes with all her loved ones watching. It was beautiful and absolutely perfect. She would have loved it.
In the end, I'm thankful for the time I had with her. She was a wonderful person. She was so easy to like, a sweet and gentle woman with a big heart. She was my friend and I miss her terribly. Rest in peace, V. We love you.
In the end, I'm thankful for the time I had with her. She was a wonderful person. She was so easy to like, a sweet and gentle woman with a big heart. She was my friend and I miss her terribly. Rest in peace, V. We love you.
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